Showing Respect to Elders

Showing Respect to Elders

Like all Asians, including Filipinos, we Pangasinenses uphold a tradition of showing respect to our elders. This is manifested in various ways, in words and actions.

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An outward manifestation of respect is the tradition of panagpinsiw (pagmamano in Tagalog) as a form of greeting one's elders. It is often translated as "kissing the hand," but in fact it actually involves gently placing the hand of the elder on one's forehead. Not doing so is considered a sign of disrespect and routinely receives censure.

"Singa bakes (o aso) ya dinmalan" is an expression of disgust over this lack of mindfulness in observing social decorum; it literally means someone behaved improperly, disrespectful of elders "like a monkey (or dog) that passed by."

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Unlike Westerners such as modern-day Americans, we address our elders differently from the way we address young people or our peers. This is readily apparent even in case of slight difference in age (as in one year difference), and even while addressing total strangers.

While we don't have the equivalent of "po" and "opo" of the Tagalogs as honorifics, we use the plural form of pronouns like the rest of our fellow Filipinos when talking directly to someone obviously older or of undetermined social position just to be safe.

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Our terms of endearment and respect in this regard are quite numerous. In a family, clear distinctions are traditionally made to highlight elderly roles. Ama or amang means dad, while ina or inang means mom.

Laki and Bae are used to address one's grandparents. Apo is a special term reserved for elderly folk of high social rank, and its female equivalent is Ina. (Apolaki is a Pangasinan precolonial folk deity.)

Kuya or kuyang (Chinese in origin) is used to address an elder brother. Atse, atsi, ache, atseng, atsing, or ate are generic terms for elder sister.

Pangamaen is the indigenous term for uncle, while panginaen is used for aunt. Tiya or tya and tiyo or tyo (pronounced /cha/, /cho/) are used to mean aunt and uncle. Ante and angkel – corruption of the English auntie and uncle – are also often used.

Ninong or ninang is what a godchild uses to respectfully address his or her godfather or godmother.

At work, the popular terms are sir, ser, ma'am, boss, bossing, chief, and amo, all used subserviently to address a superior in the organizational structure, or to kowtow to anyone in power (English in origin except amo), even when the person is markedly younger. Sir and Ma'am are also used in deference to a worker's age. Dok, Doktor, Doktora, and 'Dra' are used to address a doctor. Attorney, Engineer, Maestro, Sir, Ma’am, Madam, and other professional titles are also popularly used when appropriate.

Government officials are carefully addressed according to their official titles. Kapitan or ‘Kap’ for short is used to address the Teniente del Barrio, Capitan del Barrio, or Barangay Captain/Chairman, now officially called Punong Barangay. Other terms used in deference to authority are Mayor, Vice, Kagawad, Gov, Judge, Fiscal, etc. Breaking the protocol is considered shameless (agla abaingan, aga ambaing, makapal a lupa), “bastos,” "walang modo," and “walang galang” – uncouth, unseemly, presumptuous, even preposterous.

To address older acquaintances and strangers in general, one uses the generic Tatay or Nanay, Laki or Bae even if one is not related to them by blood.

Kuya and Ate are also how helpers address their amo or master in respectful terms.

Kuya and Ate have also evolved to mean any stranger who's an older man/woman, no matter their profession or social standing. These are used in place of the other common pairs of terms: Sir/Ma’am, Tiyo/Tyo, and Tiya/Tya are preferred as equivalents of Mama/Mang (mister) and Ale (lady) even for non-blood relations.

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These days, panagpinsiw is slowly being replaced by Western style of greeting – giving someone a slight peck on the cheek, which signals not just respect but also fondness and closeness.

A more or less democratized access to social media has also produced, not just instantaneous connectivity, but also an environment of casualness, with the relative distance and anonymity often emboldening uncouth behavior among the young online. This is sad and tragic in the face of our tradition of respect not just for elders but also for anyone in authority.